One of the biggest concerns for anyone who is in recovery from sex addiction is the possibility of relapse. Not only is this a major setback, it can also be incredibly discouraging and demoralizing for the sufferer.
Although you cannot 100% guarantee that you will never relapse from an addiction of any kind, setting goals is a great way to stay on track and at least minimize the possibility of doing so.
The importance of goal setting in sex addiction recovery
As the famous saying goes, ‘fail to prepare, prepare to fail.’
Setting goals is important in every aspect of our lives if we want to enjoy success. They’re basically an outline of what we want to achieve and how we’re going to get there. Having goals mapped out gives us direction and purpose – both of which are crucial for anyone following a sexual addiction treatment program.
If you’re in recovery for sex addiction, setting yourself goals can help in a number of ways.
- It gives you something to focus on and aim towards. Having a purpose gives you a great incentive to abstain from past behaviors
- Those facing addiction issues often suffer feelings of low self-worth and low self-esteem. Achieving your goals will give you a great sense of achievement and boost your confidence
- Having a goal to work towards is a great way to boost motivation
How to set recovery goals
To increase the chance of enjoying success with your sex addiction treatment plan, it’s important to set the right goals.
This means following the SMART formula. By setting SMART goals for sex addiction recovery, you’re outlining exactly how you’re going to get from where you are now, to where you want to be in the future.
SMART goals
Specific – if your goals are too generic, it leaves them open to interpretation. Say you want to start a new hobby to help with your journey to recovery for example. Rather than saying ‘I’ll start a new hobby,’ say ‘I’m going to join the local football team by the end of next week.’ By being specific with what you’re going to do and when you’re going to do it, you’re more likely to go through with it.
Measurable – if you can measure your goals, it will help you stay accountable. Instead of ‘I’ll go to my counselling sessions,’ you could set yourself the goal of going to two counselling sessions every week for a month.
Achievable – it’s very important that you can realistically achieve your goals. If you struggle with stress for example, it’s very unrealistic to expect yourself to never feel stressed out again. A goal of ‘I’ll stop getting so stressed out’ isn’t only unrealistic, it’s also too generic. Instead, you could set yourself a goal of meditating for 10 minutes every time you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Relevant – your goals should be meaningful to you because this will encourage you to put in the effort that’s needed. If your goal is to exercise more and you set yourself a target of going to the gym three times a week even though you hate the gym, you’re unlikely to do it. If you love getting outside and going for walks however, you’re far more likely to stick to your exercise plan if it involves walking three times a week. If you wanted to push yourself a bit harder, you could even start to incorporate a gentle jog into your routine.
Time-bound – if you don’t set a timeframe for when you want to achieve your goal, it could end up taking years. It’s a great idea to have short and long-term goals. Long-term goals give you something to work towards for the future. Short-term goals will help you get to your long-term goals but enable you to enjoy success along the way. This is great for boosting motivation.
Goals for sex addiction recovery
Below are five great examples of goals to set after sex addiction recovery.
1. Learn how to manage stress
Stress and anxiety are very common triggers for relapse and unless you know how to handle them, there’s a strong possibility that you could relapse. The more stress you’re under, the more likely you are to seek an escape from it. For sex addicts, engaging in unhealthy sexual behavior is going to be the most tempting means of escape.
Although stress is an unavoidable part of life, there are many ways that it can be managed. Practicing relaxation techniques such as yoga or meditation, building up a support network of people to talk to, remembering to do things for yourself and finding fun and engaging activities to take your mind off things are all healthy and effective ways of dealing with stress.
2. Seek help for mental health disorders & unresolved trauma
Many people who develop a sex addiction do so because they have a mental health condition or unresolved trauma they are trying to deal with. If this is the case, it’s absolutely crucial to seek help otherwise you are far more likely to relapse.
Typically, the addiction masks underlying disorders and they often become much more evident when the addictive behavior stops. As long as any issues remain suppressed and unresolved, your risk of relapse will be high.
On the other hand, working through any issues and learning how to heal the pain will help you to feel stronger, happier and much more in control of your life.
3. Devise a treatment plan
In order to increase the chances of enjoying a successful recovery, it’s very important that those with a sex addiction devise a treatment plan.
This means attending therapy sessions, taking any medications that have been prescribed, adopting new behaviors and following the advice of your therapist.
It’s also worth putting together a plan of action should you experience a setback. If you’re prepared for it, you stand a much better chance of getting back on track and it’s much better to think about this while you’re in a sound frame of mind.
4. Participate in new and healthy activities
Your old addictive behavior will have consumed a lot of your time and energy so without this, you now need something else to focus on. Look for fun and interesting activities that will not only occupy your mind but allow you to meet new people who are going to be a healthy influence on you. Whether it’s a hobby, a sporting activity, volunteer work, signing up to a class or focusing on a career goal, the more time and energy you put into these, the less vulnerable you will be to relapse.
5. Establish a good support network
The more support you have, the less likely you are to relapse. Develop and nurture relationships with people in your life who genuinely care about you and who want the best for you. Trusted family members, friends, colleagues, a therapist and support groups are all great sources of support and you shouldn’t be afraid to lean on them when you need to.
If you think that you or someone you know could benefit from seeing a sex addiction counselor, please feel free to contact Toronto Trauma & Addiction Counselling in the strictest of confidence and we will be more than happy to help.
