We’ve spent some time going over the five core symptoms of codependency and the different types of thoughts and behaviors that are displayed if you struggle with it as a part of your everyday life. Today, I’d like to take some time and talk about the ways codependency symptoms can wreak havoc in your life, and what you can do to make some changes.
Experiencing Negative Control – Experiencing negative control occurs when you allow yourself to control something about another person, or you allow them to control something about you. A few examples of this include trying to control the way a person thinks or feels, or even trying to control the way they dress or what they look like.
Experiencing Resentment – Resentment is usually a direct result of having been hurt in some way by another person. Once you’re hurt, you hold onto those feelings of anger and bitterness, and you refuse to let them go. Instead, you might begin trying to think of ways for the other person to be punished in order to pay for your pain. The problem is that resentment often drives everyone away from you; even those you wish to be close to. In addition, the person feeling the resentment typically feels a lot worse than the person about whom they are carrying the resentment. As Nelson Mandela once said “resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping that it will kill your enemies”.
Experiencing Distorted Spirituality – While everyone experiences spirituality in a different way, in general, it is defined as being connected to or in a relationship with some type of Higher Power. When you don’t experience closeness in that connection, or you don’t share in that connection with other people, you can feel a real void in your life. In her book, Facing Codependency, Pia Mellody talks about the importance of accepting yourself as “perfectly imperfect.” Many codependents struggle with this concept.
Experiencing Reality Avoidance – Codependents also struggle with being able to embrace reality because of the “realities” they have known in the past. Many of them suffered through abusive situations during their childhoods, and they do everything they can to avoid repeating those types of experiences and emotions. This results in a type of behavior that’s immature, confused and fearful of what might happen. It’s quite common for codependents to turn to addictions to find relief, and many of them suffer from physical or mental illnesses. Medication offers relief as well.
Experiencing Relationship Sustainability – One of the key indicators of codependency is being unable to fully participate in and sustain healthy relationships with others. Perhaps you can relate, and you find it very hard to be intimate with someone you really care about. You might feel unworthy of their affection, or you might feel as though you can’t accept that person for who he or she really is. This is a very painful way to live, and it can create a sense of chaos for you in every close relationship you have.
This behavior is the result of damaged or nonexistent boundaries as well as having an inability to own your own reality and meet your own needs and wants. Perhaps you’ve found ways to try and cope with these experiences, but you’re still feeling as though you’re lacking something. It’s common for codependents to learn to accept themselves for a short period of time, but in doing so, they’re actually leaving behind the chance for real healing in their lives.
The best way to begin on the road to recovery is to uncover those Understand how they have impacted your life and then engage in therapy to heal those wounds.
The road to recovery includes:
- recognizing the painful incidents that resulted in your codependent behaviors and thought patterns
- understanding the role/s you took on in childhood in order to be “ok”
- healing from those wounds
- learning how to live your life in a healthier and more functional way
If you’re ready to begin your own journey toward healing, contact me today.
