There have been so many studies done on the role of relationships when it comes to avoiding being traumatized, and overcoming trauma once it has occurred. If you think about it, when you’re scared, or when you have been scared in the past, you feel calmed when you know someone you love is close by. An embrace or even a reassuring voice has the power to allow you to feel more at ease, and this is just as true for adults as it is for children.
In his book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk says, “In order to recover, mind, body, and brain need to be convinced that it is safe to let go. That happens only when you feel safe at a visceral level and allow yourself to connect that sense of safety with memories of past helplessness.”
Safety in Relationships After an Acute Trauma
There are many people who have suffered from acute traumas. Events like an assault, an accident or a natural disaster can have dramatic, long-lasting effects. Familiar people facilitate recovery because they provide physical and emotional safety. These important relationships also foster an ability to adequately process the reality of the trauma, and they aid in the healing process.
However, the question must be asked, what about situations where “familiar people” have contributed to the trauma? What happens when that trust is broken, and those relationships that were supposed to be so important have failed?
Pain from Relationship Trauma
Some of the most common instances of trauma today are those that involve women and children at the hands of parents or partners. When traumas like child abuse, domestic abuse or molestation are a factor, it’s no longer possible to feel sheltered by the people we love the most. Instead, those people are hurting us, and that often leads to a host of problems that can be long-lasting unless something is done. Most often, this leads to responses such as shutting down emotionally, or learning to ignore what you feel. Other responses include:
- Turning to addiction
- Dissociation
- Feelings of despair
- Feelings of panic
- Creating new relationships that center around alienation and disconnection
Unresolved trauma can affect you during your entire life, and relief cannot occur until you’re able to acknowledge what happened and take the necessary steps to heal. Finding someone who will listen to you, and help you understand everything you’ve been through is the key to healing from trauma. It may not be easy for you to make the decision to trust someone again, which is why it’s recommended to turn to the help of a professional.
Relationship trauma doesn’t have to continue to rule your life. You can heal from it, and I would like to be the one to help you. If you’d like to make an appointment to get started on your healing journey, please contact me.
