Sex addiction remains a widely misunderstood intimacy disorder. Also sometimes referred to as compulsive sexual behaviour or hypersexuality, sex addiction is characterized by excessive urges to have sex or engage in other related behaviours. This remains the case even when such actions may jeopardize physical health, emotional wellbeing or social standing.
While sexual desires are of course a perfectly normal and healthy part of life, for some, these urges become overwhelming and the consequences are often extremely destructive.
Although sex addiction still isn’t taken as seriously as other addictions, it is in fact just as, if not more difficult to overcome. Speaking about why this is, Dr. Doug Weiss, head of the American Association for Sex Addiction commented:
“Sexual addiction is probably one of the hardest addictions to walk out of because it’s part of who you are. Drugs aren’t a part of who you are. Alcohol isn’t a part of who you are. It’s just something that you do. Sexuality is part of who you are, however.”
On top of this, sex addiction is often the result of childhood trauma which the victim hasn’t come to terms with and as a result, they suffer deep psychological damage. Another issue is the unique nature of sex addiction treatment. If you’re an alcoholic for example and you’re in recovery – you abstain from drinking for the rest of your life. With sex addiction, however, patients can have intimate relationships even while in recovery.
Because sexual addiction is complex, it’s absolutely crucial to seek professional help. It’s almost impossible to overcome yourself and while the guide below provides information on how you can work on overcoming a sex addiction, it should be used in conjunction with professional counselling.
Exercise
Medical researchers have started to analyze how complementary treatments can support those going through sex addiction rehab and as a result, exercise is becoming an increasingly popular part of treatment.
Creating and maintaining a regular exercise routine will stimulate the brain’s reward system. While this is sometimes falsely triggered through sugary or fatty foods, drugs, alcohol, or risky behaviours, there are ways to safely stimulate this region of the brain. Because exercise and healthy foods also stimulate the brain’s reward system, making them part of sex addiction treatment is crucial.
Other benefits include:
- Regular exercise is known to release endorphins, which can help to moderate brain chemistry, mood and cravings
- Psychological symptoms such as anxiety, depression, insomnia and despair are most intense during the beginning stages of recovery. Starting a gentle exercise regime during this time can help to alleviate this
- Mindfulness practices and meditation can reduce stress and train patients to ignore cravings. Exercise can also distract from urges that might otherwise lead to relapse
- Exercising regularly is a great way to create a routine that can help the body and brain become healthier. It can also help to manage triggers that are caused by boredom, habit or stress
Find a sex addiction counsellor
It’s highly unlikely that you will be able to overcome an intimacy disorder without the help of a professional who is highly skilled in this area. Unbeknown to many, sex addiction is very rarely about sex itself – the sufferer will have underlying trauma or mental health issues which haven’t been addressed.
Even if you think you can manage recovery on your own, it’s important to consider that in situations like this, underlying issues often become far more evident once the addictive behaviour stops.
When you no longer have an addiction to mask the issues you were trying to ignore, you may find yourself feeling vulnerable and full of self-doubt which could lead to you giving into temptation.
Whether you want to speak to someone on an individual basis, check into a rehab facility, attend group therapy, couples counselling or family counselling, all are great and effective methods of sex addiction therapy.
Create an addiction recovery plan
Having a plan for recovery can help you get back into daily life and provide you with goals and activities that support and reinforce the major goals of treatment: long-term recovery and relapse prevention.
Below are some top tips for putting together your own addiction recovery plan.
- Recognize what feelings of wellness and recovery include and use these as markers to measure daily changes. Writing out a description of what it feels like to experience wellness, self-confidence and motivation can really help you to recognize the desired way to feel
- The next step is to write down all the things that can help you to achieve these feelings of wellness. This may be reading, listening to music, exercising or spending time with family. Naturally, these will also help to distract you from compulsive sexual thoughts
- List any known triggers that may cause you to relapse. Whether it’s stress, exposure to certain people or places, problems in your relationship, memories of trauma, mental health problems or emotions related to a psychological condition, recognizing your triggers and putting a plan in place means you’ll be able to deal with them more effectively
- It’s important that your addiction recovery plan includes any known warning signs that signify you’re likely to engage in unwanted sexual activity. When an individual realizes these warning signs are occurring, the behaviours that follow can be interrupted. Some of the more common signs include mental health problems, irritability, negativity, forgetfulness and isolation
- The last section of your plan should include a crisis plan in case you reach a point when self-care is no longer an option and others need to take over. It’s important to be thorough in this section because it will be used by others. It should explain to people how to recognize:
– What feeling well looks like for you
– When you’re experiencing symptoms that require intervention
– Who your nominated supporters are
– Which healthcare supporters to contact if you need medication or extra counselling
– What you will need during the crisis in terms of care
– How to recognize when you’ve made it back to recovery
Establish a good support network
As well as having the support of a professional counsellor, it’s also crucial to have at least one friend, family member or colleague that you can trust and confide in. This person can be your shoulder to cry on, your support network and the person you turn to during moments of weakness.
Those in recovery who don’t have a support network often become depressed, withdrawn from social interactions and eventually return to engaging in unwanted behaviours in order to self-medicate their emotional pain.
There are many reasons why support networks are crucial for people in recovery including:
- It provides fellowship – humans are innately social creatures and we, therefore, need to be around other people who share the same goals and interests as us. For hundreds and perhaps even thousands of years, mankind has recognized the power of fellowship; it’s a call that all humans respond to and this may be even truer for those in recovery who have a need to know that they’re not alone in their struggle.
- Friendly observation – those in recovery sometimes struggle with issues of honesty regarding their desire to use or engage in certain activities. Having a strong recovery-based support network serves as a safety net because people within the group can recognize issues and signs of relapse. Essentially, people in this situation can all work together to keep an eye on each other.
- An environment of understanding – anyone who hasn’t been through it themselves tends to find it difficult or even impossible to truly understand the nature of addiction and how powerful it is. By creating a recovery support network, you can ensure that the people you’re surrounding yourself with understand addiction and will, therefore, be less likely to judge, admonish or feel sorry for you
- The power of sharing – sharing can relieve stress, create stronger relationships and allow people to let go of emotional and other pain that they otherwise would allow to fester and grow. This in itself is a huge part of recovery and can be crucial when it comes to avoiding relapse.
- Someone to turn to in an emergency – anyone that has a good support network can rely on people to come to their aid in the event that they feel relapse is imminent. Additionally, a person in recovery may feel empowered and enlightened when another person struggling with addiction asks them for help.
- Builds confidence – the confidence that a strong recovery-oriented support network can provide is significant. Many reports that even just knowing that there are people they can talk to makes it much easier to deal with the daily problems that often cause stress when going through recovery. It’s also important for anyone in this situation to realize that they’re not alone and many others are going through the same thing. When it comes to relapse prevention, confidence is one of the most critical components of recovery stability.
It’s also important to associate yourself with people who are going to be a positive influence on you. This may include friends and family who love you and therefore want to help you get better. Another great choice is other people who have overcome addiction.
While having the support of your loved ones is an important part of recovery, it’s worth remembering that it may take time to build bridges and some people might be more reluctant than others to let you back into their lives if a great deal of hurt was caused.
Put coping mechanisms in place
As with any addiction, there are going to be occasions you feel tempted – you will have good days and you’ll have bad days. It’s important that you have coping mechanisms in place to help you deal with these feelings on the days you’re not feeling so great or are feeling tempted to relapse.
Some great ideas include:
- Form healthy habits – keep your mind busy. You can join the gym, see friends, get a hobby, throw yourself into work, go travelling or do some volunteer work. All of these things should be listed in your addiction recovery plan.
- Avoid triggers – avoid places, people and activities that may cause you to feel tempted to fall back into old habits. No matter how far you’ve come in your recovery if you’re having a weak moment you might find it too difficult to resist. Again, these points should be listed in your recovery plan so that others can recognize when you’re engaging in activities that may tempt you to relapse.
- Control stress – stress and anxiety are common triggers for relapse – the more stress you’re under, the more likely you are to seek an escape from it.
- Establish a good support network – the more support you have, the less likely you are to relapse.
- Seek help – you may be willing to work at overcoming your addiction but if your efforts aren’t properly guided, it will more than likely lead to a relapse.
If you would like further information about treatment options for sex addiction, please feel free to contact Toronto Trauma & Addiction Counselling in the strictest of confidence. Details can also be found on our sex addiction page and you can complete a sexual addiction screening test (SAST-R) which has been developed in conjunction with hospitals, treatment programs, private therapists and community groups to help determine the difference between addictive and non-addictive behaviours.