As we take a closer look at codependence, it’s important to break down the various symptoms that might surface in a person who is dealing with this condition. As we go through these symptoms over the next few months, perhaps you will recognize yourself in some of the descriptions. Recognizing the problem is the first step in being able to get the help you need to lead a happier and more fulfilling life.
As mentioned in a previous post, core issue number 1 is difficulty with expressing appropriate levels of self-esteem.
What Does Healthy Self-Esteem Look Like?
At any given point in your life, you are going to face various types of problems. You might encounter the loss of a job that you love or you might suffer through a break up with a significant other. For people who have healthy self-esteem, they understand that their own personal value comes from inside of them, and not from any outside source. That’s not to say that people with a healthy sense of self-esteem don’t feel angry, hurt or confused when they have problems. They do. The difference is that they understand that they are still worthwhile individuals, regardless of their current circumstances.
What is Other-Esteem?
Other-Esteem is defined as the sense that a person’s sense of self-worth comes from people or situations outside of themselves. It can result in low self-esteem, or it can also result in arrogance.
Low self-esteem occurs when, as a child, you have heard your parents or other caregivers speak negative messages into your life. Some parents will – either verbally or non-verbally – communicate to their children that they are “less-than” people. In other words, they aren’t valued at a young age, and so they learn to discount themselves as well. This way of thinking continues on into adulthood, resulting in a continuing sense of worthlessness.
On the other hand, and at the opposite end of the spectrum, we find those whose levels of esteem appear to be very high. In fact, they are so high that they consider themselves to be much better than anyone around them. These individuals might be taught to consistently look for faults in other people because they were always criticized as children. However, there are some families who actually teach their children that they are superior to others. These children are never made to account for their wrongdoings, and they’re never held responsible for their actions.
As you can imagine, both of these esteem issues are detrimental when it comes to forming or maintaining relationships with other people. They can easily set a child up for a lifetime of hurt and pain, which is why it’s important to recognize this symptom for what it is – a symptom of codependence. Once that is established, it’s much easier to work through the issues you’re facing, as well as identify any of the other symptoms you might not have recognized as problematic in the past.
Do either of these esteem issues seem to apply to you? If so, you could be dealing with the unresolved issues that surround codependence.
For more information or to schedule an appointment, please contact me today.
