Cybersex addiction is a virtual sexual activity which causes serious negative consequences to someone’s physical, mental, social and/or financial wellbeing.
Also commonly referred to as internet sex addiction, sufferers may find themselves unable to stop certain behaviors including viewing pornography, participating in adult chat rooms and pursuing relationships for cybersex.
What causes cybersex addiction?
Naturally, the increasing prevalence and role of the internet in our everyday lives have led to more people suffering with cybersex addiction. As well as providing another avenue to engage in certain behaviours, it’s easy to access, affordable and users can remain anonymous.
Internet sex addiction and sex addiction often go hand-in-hand. Those who already have an addiction to sex typically use the internet and this then escalates the problem. Similarly, those who’s addiction started online, can begin to act out in new ways offline.
Studies show that people with a cybersex addiction tend to suffer from poor impulse control. They often have a history of multiple addictions to alcohol, tobacco, drugs, gambling, food or sex. If an online user already has a history of sexual addiction, cybersex serves as another outlet for gratification. that feeds a previous problem.
Cybersex addiction symptoms
There are a number of signs which suggest that someone may be suffering from internet sex addiction. These include:
- Behaviors are having a serious negative impact on the person’s physical and mental wellbeing
- It may also affect their social life. Sufferers may for example choose to stay at home in pursuit of online sexual activities rather than socialise with friends and family
- It could impact their financial wellbeing because they’re not turning up for work or are spending excessive amounts of money accessing pornography, chat rooms or webcams
- An obsession with online sexual activities
- An inability to stop behaviors despite the negative consequences
- Internet infidelity – this is a kind of emotional affair in which the people involved develop a sexually intimate relationship without actually meeting
- Behaviours are becoming more frequent, extreme and/or risky
- Mental health is affected. Sufferers may experience feelings of shame, guilt and remorse which can lead to anxiety, depression and in serious cases, thoughts of suicide
- Difficulty forming relationships with people in real life
- Intimacy issues
- Relationships may start to suffer or even completely break down
- Preoccupation with using the internet to find online sexual partners
- Frequently using anonymous communication to engage in sexual fantasies that typically wouldn’t happen offline
- Hiding online interactions from loved ones
- Using cybersex as a primary form of sexual gratification as opposed to being intimate with a real-life partner
What are the effects of cybersex addiction?
It’s important to seek help for cybersex addiction as soon as possible.
As well as having a negative impact on the person suffering with the addiction, it can also cause serious issues for their family.
One particular study found that:
- Upon hearing about their partner’s online sexual activities, respondents felt a number of negative emotions. This included hurt, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, devastation, loneliness, shame, isolation, humiliation, jealousy, anger and a loss of self-esteem. Being lied to repeatedly was also a major cause of distress
- Cybersex addiction was a major contributing factor for separation and divorce
- Partners overwhelmingly felt that cyber affairs were as emotionally painful as real-life affairs. Many felt that virtual affairs were the same as cheating offline
- Adverse effects on children were noted as well. This includes being exposed to cyberporn and the objectification of women as well as witnessing parental conflicts. Another worrying consequence was a lack of attention because of one parent’s involvement with the computer and the other’s preoccupation with the problems going on
Cybersex addiction treatment
There are a number of options when it comes to cybersex addiction treatment. Just as with offline sex addiction, successful recovery is unlikely without professional help. This is due to the deep-rooted issues which typically stem from the trauma that often lead to addiction.
Remember, your treatment is unique. What works for one person may not be the best option for another. Some thrive off the additional support you get with group therapy for example while others struggle to open up unless they’re in a one-to-one session with a counsellor.
Below are some of the most popular and effective options for cybersex addiction treatment.
Individual therapy
At the start of your journey to recovery, you may prefer the privacy and less confrontational nature of individual counselling. Speaking to someone on a one-on-one basis can help you to come to terms with your addiction, its cause, the hurt you’ve inflicted and what lays ahead of you. It can also feel less daunting and you may find it easier to open up to one person as opposed to an entire group.
If you would prefer a remote counselling session via Skype, Zoom or another platform, we are happy to arrange this for you.
Group therapy
Group therapy brings together people who are facing similar issues. Its aim is to help participants gain a deeper understanding of sexual addiction while benefiting from the support of others.
As well as providing a safe and controlled environment where participants can discuss the challenges they’re facing, group therapy offers many other benefits including:
- Companionship – bonding with others can really help you to stay strong when you’re feeling overwhelmed or like you might relapse
- Communication – surrounded by others who are going through the same thing as you, you’re far more likely to speak freely. Furthermore, the ‘everybody-gets-a-turn’ interaction enhances the confidence, communication and social skills of everyone in the group
- Accountability – you’re more likely to stay strong if you know others are watching you and rooting for you to succeed
- Extra support – support from friends, family and your counsellor is crucial during recovery. The people you meet in group therapy can also provide an invaluable support network however. As well as understanding what you’re going through, you can use their experiences to aid your recovery. They may for example share some great coping mechanisms which have really helped them
Family/couples counselling
As we mentioned earlier, internet sex addiction can also have a massive impact on partners and family.
Partners can find it particularly traumatic because chances are, they’ve been lied to and betrayed. Counselling can help couples recover together and it also enables partners to understand why certain things happened.
This form of counselling can also help entire family units come together again as well as teach family members how to support the person suffering from the addiction. Sometimes families inadvertently act as enablers for example. A professional therapist can identify these behaviours and implement steps to prevent them from happening in the future.
Regardless of the type of therapy, you opt for, here are some top tips for finding the right counsellor.
- Find someone who specializes in sex addiction therapy. The more tailored their knowledge is, the better they will be able to understand you and your recovery
- Check their qualifications
- Ask about their experience. If somebody has never helped a patient with cybersex addiction before, they’re not the best person for the job
- As well as choosing someone with the right qualifications and expertise, ensure you have a good rapport. You will be talking to them about personal feelings and it’s likely that you will become emotional throughout the process, so you need to feel comfortable around them.
- If a therapist offers an initial consultation, take them up on this because this is where you will find out if the two of you are the right fit or not
If you would like further information about cybersex addiction or the treatments available, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with Toronto Trauma and Addiction Counselling.
