It’s extremely difficult to have a partner who is an addict. Whether your partner suffers from a substance abuse problem, or his or her issues center around a behavioral addiction such as sex or gambling, you’re constantly feeling confused, helpless and alone. You may want so desperately to be able to help, but you’re not sure what to do, or who to turn to. You worry that every response you have to your partner’s addictive behavior is only going to make the situation worse.
Perhaps you have recently found out about your partner’s addiction, and you feel shocked at the discovery. You may have found out that the addiction has been going on for quite some time, and you’re not sure what to do. It truly is a traumatic experience, and in the next post, we’ll talk about that in more in detail. For now, let’s focus on some of the responses which are common among partners of addicts. Do any of these sound familiar to you?
You’ve Begged and Pleaded
It is common for partners of addicts to beg and plead with their partners to give up their addiction. Perhaps you’ve done the same thing, only to feel crushed when your partner refuses. Unfortunately, no matter how much you cry, and no matter how many times you ask your partner to stop the addictive behavior, the fact is that he or she views the addiction as a valued part of life. Your partner doesn’t believe that feeling “normal” can be experienced without the addiction, and so your pleas constantly fall on deaf ears.
You’ve Threatened
Many partners will make threats to end the relationship if the addictive behavior continues. Unfortunately, these threats are seldom taken seriously, and when they are taken seriously, the addiction will win, every time. In fact, threats can sometimes even draw an addict further into the addiction simply because they reinforce the idea that the addiction is the only constant thing in their lives that they can depend on.
You’ve Enabled
Perhaps you’ve come to the point where you truly believe that your partner’s addiction isn’t ever going to stop. You’re looking for a way to experience your own form of “normal” life, and so you’ve started enabling your partner to continue in the addiction, while you do your best to pretend that it doesn’t exist. Even so, you’re still hurting inside, and you’re looking for a way to help.
Here at Toronto Addiction Counselling, we want you to know that you’re not alone. Help is available for you. It is possible for you to learn the right way to respond to your partner. A way that will be helpful for him or her, but more importantly, a way that will be helpful for you. With the help of a professional addiction therapist, you’ll not only have the ability to process your feelings and learn what you can do to help and support yourself in this very difficult time, you’ll also learn valuable information about how you may be able to help your partner begin to see his or her need for counselling and healing.
If you are the hurting partner of an addict you deserve to have a safe place to deal with everything that is going on. We are here to help.
