Being confronted with sex addiction can be incredibly overwhelming for both the sufferer and their partner.
If you are playing the supportive role, times ahead will be difficult but don’t worry, this is perfectly normal. Chances are that at this stage, you’re asking yourself how on earth do you help someone who is going through sexual addiction treatment?
Educate yourself
The first and most important part of helping the person you love is to gain an understanding about what they’re going through. Unless you have addiction yourself it is of course impossible to put yourself in their shoes completely but it does help if you’re at least knowledgeable about the condition, its causes and what you can expect from your partner’s sexual addiction treatment.
Encourage your partner to get help
Sex addiction is typically always the result of trauma, big T or little T. This may be childhood abuse, neglect, divorce, losing a job or struggling to come to terms with the death of a loved one. Identifying the underlying issues is critical for recovery so encourage the person to seek sex addiction help Toronto.
Don’t enable them
By sitting back and tolerating your partner’s behavior, you are merely enabling it. Naturally, you are going to have to be very understanding at this time but don’t let them get away with things they shouldn’t be doing just because you’re now aware of the situation. Unfortunately, you may even have to leave your partner before they will get help. This doesn’t necessarily mean divorce, just a temporary measure until they get help.
Help them to identify their triggers
An important part of sexual addiction treatment is identifying triggers for relapse. Whether it’s chat rooms, flirting, drinking alcohol, pornography or difficulties coping with mental health problems, if your partner knows what their triggers are, they can learn how to avoid them.
Get help for yourself
At this time, you are likely to be experiencing a combination of grief, pain, anger and betrayal. Naturally, you will be questioning everything you ever had with your partner and whether or not you will ever be able to trust them again.
It’s important to think about your own needs at this time and not focus solely on your partner’s recovery. You are hurting too and in order for you and your partner to survive this difficult time it’s important to deal with your own mental, emotional and physical health.
Attend couple’s therapy
Research has shown that couples have the greatest chance of recovering from sex addiction when both partners are engaged in a program of recovery.
Seeing a sex addiction counsellor as a couple can be a great help for both partners. Not only does it open the channels of communication, it allows both people to talk in a safe and open environment, deal with any underlying issues and commit to a plan that’s going to help them move forward rather than fall into the trap of having the same arguments over and over again.
Things to avoid
It’s hard not to feel angry and resentful towards your partner right now but try not to let emotions get the better of the situation.
- Don’t assign blame – accept that addiction is a complex condition. Your partner doesn’t enjoy the addiction, they will have tried to free themselves from it many times and you can guarantee they will be harder on themselves than anyone else.
- Don’t expect everything to go back to the way it was – doing this will only strain your relationship further
- Don’t overlook your own needs – supporting a loved one who is fighting addiction in incredibly draining. Even as you focus on supporting your spouse, don’t forget to tend to your own needs too.
For many partners, implementing or even understanding some of the above information can seem impossible and/or ridiculous in the early days post-discovery. You are in good company! Getting the right help and support will assist you in navigating many of these difficulties and ultimately help you get to a place where you can function, be happy and thrive again.
If you would like more information about sex addiction help Toronto, please feel free to contact Toronto Trauma & Addiction Counselling for more information about the signs, symptoms and what sexual addiction counselling is available.
