Supporting a spouse through addiction is difficult and is likely to put a strain on even the strongest and most loving relationships.
As the partner of a gambler, there are a number of challenges you will face throughout the recovery process including:
- Feeling powerless while your partner is gambling
- Trying to come to terms with the lies you have been told
- Dealing with any financial implications the addiction has caused
- The persistent threat of relapse
- Learning to trust your partner again
Although gambling addiction recovery is seldom easy, the good news is that it is possible and there are a number of things you can do to support your spouse during this difficult time.
Take care of yourself
You may feel like the last thing you should be doing at a time like this is worrying about yourself but in order to be able to offer your spouse the help and support they need, you should ensure that you’re also looking after yourself.
A gambling addiction can have a devastating impact on those closest to the addict and it’s one of the many reasons why addiction programs involve members of the family in treatment. Attending therapy together means you can learn how to deal with the addiction, understand the addict’s behavior, learn how to manage any feelings you have and vitally, learn to trust your spouse again.
The partners of addicts often inadvertently develop some unhealthy roles which actually end up enabling their partner’s behaviors. For example, you may bail them out financially or offer to pay the bills on your own. Counselling can help you to identify these behaviors and stop them without you feeling guilty about it.
Be understanding
The early stages of recovery are often the most difficult for couples because a lot of truths will come out and there will be a number of significant life changes taking place. During this time, addicts need to be somewhat selfish as they focus on themselves in order to rebuild their lives and their self-esteem and avoid relapse. Naturally, this can leave spouses feeling neglected and resentful especially because this is a time when they’re likely to need more reassurance than ever.
What a recovering gambling addict needs more than anything is the support and understanding from their partner. If this is something you’re finding difficult to manage, individual or couple’s therapy can help.
Educate yourself
In order to support your partner, you’re going to need to educate yourself about gabling addiction. It’s important that you understand what they’re going through, can identify the risk factors for relapse and work together on a relapse prevention plan.
Communicate
In the midst of your partner’s addiction, communication will have inevitably broken down. Lies will have been told and things would have been kept a secret. During recovery, it’s important to learn how to communicate again. Talk to your spouse about the support they need, share your hopes and expectations so that you can work towards the same goals and practice new techniques that will enable you both to identify and manage your feelings.
Be patient
Addiction recovery is not quick or easy and it will take the addict a long time to fulfill their family responsibilities. It may even take a long time for you to trust them enough to put these responsibilities back in their hands. Both of these things are perfectly normal and it will help both partners to understand that the process is going to require a lot of patience.
Work on forgiveness
It’s hard to forgive someone who has lied to you, hurt you and hidden things from you and you probably will have built up a lot of pain and anger of the years. While this is perfectly normal and understandable, holding onto them may prevent you from moving forward.
If you think that you or someone you know could benefit from gambling addiction treatment, please feel free to contact us and we will be happy to help.
