One of the characteristics that is exhibited by those who have been through traumatic events is silence. Many trauma victims remain silent about what they’ve been through for many years, and they do so for any number of personal reasons. Some of these may include:
- The fear of experiencing the traumatic event all over again through flashbacks
- Having the need to feel more in control over what happened to them
- The fear of not being listened to or understood
In a very real way, remaining silent about what you’ve gone through is only feeding your trauma. It’s keeping you trapped with that event still fresh in your mind, and it can feel as though it’s happening all over again every time you think about it, or every time a flashback occurs.
An Example of How Breaking the Silence Results in Healing
In his book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk discusses his own experience with trauma as a way of explaining how it felt when he was able to break his own code of silence.
For him, his trauma occurred when he was a small boy, only three years old. For young children, the basements of houses are often terrifying places to be, even when an adult is nearby. He describes how he was locked in the basement of his family’s home on several different occasions by his father, and the trauma that resulted from these events.
For the longest time, he felt as though he was always preoccupied with the idea of being abandoned and exiled, and he kept these feelings locked inside of him for years. It wasn’t until much later when he was able to find the key to overcoming the trauma so that he could begin the healing process.
The Power of Naming
Remaining silent about the traumatic events you have faced does not give you more power over them, although it may feel that way for a time. It actually does the exact opposite; it takes your power away. Acknowledging and naming what happened to you is the key factor that begins the healing process. Talking about the trauma unlocks your brain’s ability to feel listened to, validated and understood.
When you refuse to name what happened to you, you’re essentially hiding it from yourself, and this can be detrimental if you want to heal. Naming what happened to you results in the eventual dissolution of triggers that cause flashbacks. Without it, you will most likely remain in a state of war within yourself.
Too many people refuse to name their traumas, and in doing so, they sentence themselves to a life of unachieved goals, no motivation and feelings of being completely shut down. That isn’t the kind of life you truly want for yourself. It’s not the life you deserve, either.
If you’d like to talk about a specific traumatic event that occurred in your life, I can help you with that. Please contact me today if you’d like to make an appointment.
