As humans speak about themselves, it is common for them to use the word, “I.” This tendency is the default setting for us, and it is a lot like other learned behaviors that become commonplace. Just as we learn and mindlessly repeat behaviors like how to shake hands when we meet someone, how to ride a bicycle, and how to wash dishes, we also tend to say things like, “I feel sad” or “I feel angry.”
The goal in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is to switch that language from “I feel…” to, “A Part of me feels…” However, it can take some practice to change something that has become so natural for us. In many ways, moving from “I” language to “Parts” language is very much like learning a foreign language.
The IFS Therapist’s Role
IFS therapists have an important job in helping their clients learn how to change the way they think about “I” vs. “Parts” language. This, in turn, helps them change the way they speak.
Therapists should be working with their clients to help them practice using “Parts” language. For example, the therapist can change how they greet their client. Instead of saying, “How did you feel this week?” they can ask, “How did the Parts feel this week?”
Some therapists may choose to interrupt clients while they’re talking to ask which Part experienced the emotions they are describing. Mirroring by using “Parts” language is another helpful tool because it reflects the client’s own words.
Making the Emotional “I” Connection
As IFS therapists redirect their clients’ words away from “I” language and toward “Parts” language, it is also helpful to assist the client in making emotional “I” connections.
For instance, perhaps a client expresses that a Part feels embarrassed because their clothes don’t match that day. The Part feels that way because of the teasing they endured in school. The therapist can respond with something like, “That embarrassed or ashamed Part is worried that I will make fun of them for not matching today.”
This type of connection helps create more compassion for the trauma the Part endured. It helps the client’s Self and the impacted Part learn how to understand each other, which is an incredible breakthrough on the road to healing.
The Healing Power of IFS
Many traumatized individuals go through tragic events during their childhoods. Unfortunately, the root of that trauma often stems from the fact that they never had an adult to give them the attention they needed, show they care, or attempt to help them process their pain at all.
IFS offers such powerful healing because the therapist facilitates a new bond between the Self and the Parts. Suddenly, an abused child Part begins to form a relationship with a caring adult Self. That love, care, and attention that has been missing all this time is restored and that is where real healing takes place.
Talk to an Internal Family Systems Therapist
Trauma can take many forms, but the impact it has on the person suffering from it is always difficult to endure. If you have been through a traumatic event, IFS therapy might be right for you. Contact me today to make an appointment.
