In the last post, we talked more in depth about the Parts, their role, and learning to empathize and understand them. In this post, I want to go a little deeper to help this concept make as much sense as possible.
Everyone has Parts; but people who have lived through traumatic events are often more aware of them than others. In fact, they relate to them as they were other people in the same room. That kind of awareness can be utilized and turned into understanding and even acceptance. It can take time to create harmony between the Parts and the Self, but once that process has been started, real healing can take place for trauma victims.
The “Empty Chair” Technique
In his book, Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, Dr. Richard C. Schwartz discusses how he first discovered the Parts. He worked hard to try and understand them within himself so that he could then use that expertise with his patients, who were all struggling.
He had a technique in which he would place an empty chair in the room and when a person was sitting in that chair, they were the Part they were addressing. He asked one of his patients to imagine her most critical Part sitting in the chair and listened to her speak to it. She asked it why it was so mean and nasty to her and then went to sit in the other chair to respond as the Part. The response was, “Because you are totally worthless and incompetent.”
Over time, Dr. Schwartz began asking the Part his own questions, but there was still no resolution. Finally, he switched his line of questioning to one that was more curious. This caused the Part to let its guard down and confide in him that the basis of its insults was the fear of rejection.
The lesson here is that fighting with the Parts does not yield any fruit. But empathizing with them and simply getting curious about why they are the way they are does.
The Emergence of Self
Becoming curious about our Parts allows the Self to emerge. It gives the Self permission to ask engaging questions purely for the purpose of understanding and empathizing. In turn, the Parts begin to take on a different role too. Instead of fighting with each other, they respond positively to being questioned. They want to be understood and accepted.
Our Parts are so important and they can be incredibly useful in dealing with traumatic events or even just in everyday life. When a person is guided through this process, their Parts can be convinced to take less of a prominent role in their lives and allow the Self to shine through.
It can take time to learn to not attack the Parts and push them away. When trauma survivors are finally able to just get curious about them and accept them, they become a lot more docile and easier to cope with. The right trauma therapy is needed to help people learn how to do this the right way.
If you have been struggling because of a trauma, I can help. Please contact me to make an appointment.
