While sex addiction is a topic that’s finally being discussed and accepted as a genuine condition, until recently, it’s something that even the experts have struggled to fully understand.
One of the main reasons why sex addiction is such a confusing subject is because of how widely accepted sex is in today’s society. It’s seen as a healthy part of any relationship and it’s even promoted everywhere we look from magazine advertisements and the Internet to films and television shows.
Whether it’s the prevalence of sex in modern society, the growing number of people suffering from mental health conditions or simply people being less afraid to speak out about it, what we do know is that sex addiction is a growing problem worldwide.
What is sex addiction?
Sex addiction forms when a person can’t control their urge to engage in frequent and risky sexual behaviors. Their actions often reach the point where severe consequences are experienced by the individual and the people closest to them.
Sadly however, many people won’t seek help for it because of the stigma attached to the condition.
While, there isn’t any one thing that causes a sex addiction (as with any addiction), scientists and psychologists have spent many years researching and studying the possibilities.
- Research suggests there could be an ‘addiction gene’. This would mean that just as we have no control over the colour of our eyes, addiction may be something that’s pre-determined and there’s little we can do to control or prevent it
- For the vast majority of people suffering with a sex addiction, it’s triggered by an event such as the death of a loved one, divorce or losing their job. Stress and anxiety can make someone more likely to engage in more harmful behaviors such as drinking too much alcohol, taking drugs or participating in risqué sexual behaviors in a bid to try to cope
- This trigger will almost always be the result of trauma that has been experienced at some point in the sufferer’s life. Studies show that approximately 80% of people suffering with sex addiction have suffered from some kind of sexual abuse or emotional trauma in their past. They may therefore actively seek out sexually charged situations and actions as they produce the euphoria and escapism so often craved by those with an addiction
- Growing up in an environment where a child doesn’t feel important or special or where they suffered neglect, is a particularly common type of trauma experienced by those with a sex addiction
- Addiction is often the outcome of a set of circumstances. For example, if a parent has an addiction, you will have been brought up surrounded by certain behaviors and/or substances which means that you’re more likely to engage in them yourself. This may either be because it has been ‘normalized’ or because you struggled to cope with having a parent with an addiction and ended up turning to drugs, alcohol or other addictive behaviors in order to cope
- Addiction can also be related to psychological conditions which are related to impulse control problems. Those with increased impulsivity are more likely to put themselves in situations that are dangerous to their wellbeing
What are the signs of sex addiction?
If you think that you or someone you know may have a problem, below are some of the more common signs that you may need sex addiction treatment.
- You’re unable to stop, resist or control the urge to engage in sexual acts
- You frequently have sexual encounters and with more partners than intended
- You need to engage in sexual behaviors more often and over a longer period of time
- Excessive amounts of your time and energy are spent looking for, engaging in or recovering from sexual experiences
- You can’t stop participating in sexual behaviors regardless of the negative consequences. You may be aware of your behaviors and try to stop but find it impossible
- You’re unable to fulfill your occupational, academic, domestic or social obligations because you’re so pre-occupied with your sexual activities
- You’re intensifying the amount or risk of behaviors to reach the desired outcome. You may find that certain acts aren’t giving you the same high they used to so you’re engaging in more extreme behaviors
- You’re constantly thinking about and obsessing over sex
- Other people may have picked up on your behaviors and when they suggest you may have a problem or could benefit from sex addiction rehab, you’re in denial and become angry with them
Without sexual addiction treatment, it’s very difficult to overcome this condition. Even if you do manage to abstain for a period of time, the likelihood or relapse occurring is incredibly high. If you would like further information about counselling for sex addiction, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with Toronto Trauma and Addiction Counselling and we will be more than happy to help.
Sex addiction statistics
You only have to look at the sex addiction numbers to realize how serious the condition is and how many people it’s affecting across the USA. According to The National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity, between six and eight percent of Americans now have a sex addiction. This is the equivalent of between 18 and 24 million people.
With so many millions of people affected, it’s hard to believe that the term ‘sex addiction’ wasn’t officially coined and recognized as a disorder until 1983. It’s only in the last decade or so that the health profession has started to understand the psychology behind the condition and what causes it.
What makes someone become addicted to sex?
There are many factors which can lead to an individual developing an addiction to sex. Research suggests the most common include:
- 72% were physically abused in childhood
- 81% were sexually abused
- 97% were emotionally abused
The conditions that go hand-in-hand with sexual addiction
What makes sex addiction even more difficult to deal with is the fact that it often goes hand-in-hand with other conditions. Sometimes having an undiagnosed mental health condition can lead to sex addiction and other times, it’s the sex addiction that can have a negative impact on a person’s physical or mental wellbeing.
- Almost 80% of people suffering with a sex addiction also have another type of addiction
- 42% have problems with drugs or alcohol
- 38% have an eating disorder
- It’s thought that up to 17% of college students have a sex addiction which could be caused by the stress of exams or the pressure placed on them to do well
- 32% of people diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) have a sexual obsession
Sex addiction between the genders
- Contrary to popular belief, the condition affects both men and women. It’s estimated that approximately eight percent of men and three percent of women have a sex addiction
- Prior to receiving sex addiction counselling, the average male suffering with sexual addiction has 32 partners and the average woman, 22 partners
- More than 80% of women who struggle with a sexual addiction are more likely to engage in compulsive sexual activities in real life. This can include anything from having an affair, engaging in casual sex or having multiple partners
- Because sex addiction is seen as a ‘man’s condition,’ so many women continue to suffer in silence. It’s especially important to break down this stigma so that the appropriate help and treatment is sought
The long-term effects of sex addiction
The more we do something, the more tolerant we become to it and this is often how addiction spirals out of control. Say you start by smoking one joint a day. For a while this may be enough for you. Over time however, your body and brain adjusts and you need more marijuana to get the same high you got when you first started smoking it.
Sex addiction works in the same way. Sufferers engage in sexual behaviors because they get a high from it. The more they do it however, the less of a high they get and the more likely they are to seek out increasingly risky behaviors to get that same feeling of euphoria that they used to get.
Typically, someone with a sex addiction may carry out one, some or all of the following acts:
- 98% of people with a sex addiction have participated in at least some form of phone sex at least once
- 74% have used Skype in order to have video sex over the Internet
- Just 2% say they’ve never had a one-night stand
- 7 out of 10 people who are married with a sex addiction say that they’ve managed to convince their partner to participate in swinging activities
- 94% have filmed themselves having sex
- 3 out of 4 have admitted to regularly posting naked photos of themselves online
If left undiagnosed for long enough, sufferers can end up turning to extreme or even illegal activities:
- 55% of sexual offenders suffer from sexual addiction
- 71% of child molesters have an addiction to sex
The impact of sexual compulsivity on wellbeing
It’s unusual for someone with a sex addiction to be single. Most are married or have a relationship. More often than not however, they will regularly cheat on their partner. As a result of this, they often develop negative feelings about themselves which can lead to them seeking out harmful behaviors more often.
- 97% of those with a sexual addiction experience loss of self-esteem
- 96% feel guilt and shame
- 94% experience self-isolation
- 91% feel despair and hopelessness
- 83% have emotional exhaustion
- 82% have fears about their future
- 78% experience emotional instability
- 56% suffer financial difficulties as a direct result of their sexual activities
Because of the nature of sex addiction, it will naturally take a toll on relationships with loved ones. It’s not just the lack of trust and hurt caused however, partners often suffer deep emotional issues upon discovering that their partner has an addiction.
- One study showed that 80% of women who have a husband or partner that has been diagnosed with a sexual addiction suffered from depression as a result
- 4 out of 10 women said that they withdrew their emotional connections to a partner with a sexual addiction
- 60% of women developed an eating disorder after discovering the actions of their partner
Sex addiction recovery statistics
Without entering a sexual addiction treatment program, it’s highly unlikely that a person can ever fully recover. It is in fact estimated that without treatment, the chances of overcoming this addiction is just one in 100,000.
There are a number of treatment methods available including:
- Individual counselling – speaking to someone on a one-on-one basis at the beginning of your treatment may feel less daunting and help you to open up about your past in an environment where you don’t feel judged
- Couples therapy – many couples find that seeing a therapist together can help to open the channels of communication and deal with any betrayal that has been caused.
- Family counselling – this can help entire family units come together and teach family members how to support the person with the addiction
- Group therapy – as well as being surrounded by people who understand you, speaking to others who are further into their recovery can give you valuable tips and advice for coping
Whether you’re seeking professional therapy or are trying to come to terms with addiction on your own, signs of relapse include:
Emotional relapse
- Anxiety
- Intolerance
- Anger
- Defensiveness
- Mood swings
- Isolation
- Not asking for help
- Not going to meetings
- Poor eating habits
- Poor sleep habits
Mental relapse
- Thinking about people, places and things you used with
- Glamorizing past use
- Lying
- Hanging out with old using friends
- Fantasizing about using
- Planning your relapse
- It gets harder to make the right choices as the pull of addiction gets stronger
Physical relapse
Once you start thinking about relapse, if you don’t have a prevention plan in place, it doesn’t take long to go from here to physical relapse.
Relapse can start weeks or even months before the event of physical relapse so it’s important to recognize when you’re feeling weak and may therefore require extra support.
To find out more about sex addiction therapy in Toronto, please feel free to contact us in the strictest of confidence and we will be more than happy to help.
