There are struggles within every family, and the internal family is no different. In fact, it really should be expected. But when a person is dealing with significant trauma, those struggles can feel like a storm is constantly brewing on the inside.
- Parts that cry for help or that have attachment issues can trigger fight or flight responses.
- Parts that are critical can trigger feelings of shame and inadequacy.
- Parts that get close to others can trigger a need for even more closeness, a fear of being harmed, or the fight/flight response; sometimes even all three at the same time.
If you’re a trauma victim, understanding these struggles can go a long way toward helping you learn how to empathize with the parts, thereby reducing their severity, and eventually, this can lead to healing.
How Normal Life Can Cause a Trauma Response
Normal life events can easily result in fearful responses from certain Parts. For example, receiving compliments about a job well done, or simply being recognized in a positive way can lead to the Parts becoming fearful of being seen and even the expectation of eventual abuse or misuse.
For many trauma survivors who have been victims of physical or sexual abuse, there is a period of grooming that takes place prior to the abuse. Any type of positive attention can become viewed by certain Parts as a warning of impending abuse, which can make these individuals hypersensitive to any act of kindness or appreciation.
The result is that trauma victims often tell themselves self-defeating stories.
What are Self-Defeating Stories?
Self-defeating stories are stories that the Parts “write” based on their experiences. For instance:
- The submissive Part may write a story that is filled with shame and victimization.
- The fight Part might write a story about dying being a better alternative to continued abuse.
- The Part that cries for help might write a story about how no one cares or is there to rescue them.
In her book, Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, Janina Fisher discusses a patient named Danny whose success was driven by an anxious Part that was afraid of failing and a judgmental Part that constantly criticized him. Danny struggled at his job and constantly dealt with feelings of shame, self-blame, and abandonment. His Parts were each writing their own self-defeating story, and the struggle was wreaking havoc in his work life.
Once Danny was able to take a step back from the Parts that were warring inside of him, he observed them as younger versions of himself, and he connected those emotions to the pain he experienced as a child. It was then that he realized that the young boy inside of him was striving to feel special to someone because he never did while he was growing up.
Danny was able to rally his Self to offer appreciation and acceptance to the young boy, which was the very beginning of his healing process.
Trauma Therapy Can Calm the Struggle
The right type of trauma therapy can help you not only identify the Parts that are struggling inside you, but it can also help you learn how to empathize with them, hear them out, and resolve the conflict.
I can help you through this process. Please contact me for an appointment.
