Relapse is unfortunately a common part of addiction. Statistics do in fact show that 40-60% of people treated for substance use disorders will relapse at some point.
While relapse is generally most likely to occur within the first 90 days of recovery, the risk remains high for the first five years and can even occur way beyond that.
In order to help understand why this happens and how to avoid it, below we answer the common question, ‘how do individuals addicted to sex relapse?’
Expecting instant results
One of the problems with sexual addiction is that sufferers become so used to instant gratification. If they want to engage in sexual behaviours, for example, there is a number of ways they can do this quickly and easily.
Because someone struggling with sex addiction becomes accustomed to this, it can make the thought of a lengthy recovery process almost unbearable. The road to recovery is long and difficult and those who expect to recover within weeks may be putting themselves at risk of relapse because they’re expecting too much, too soon.
Not identifying the underlying cause
Sex addiction normally occurs as a result of trauma. Perhaps you were abused as a child, suffered abandonment/neglect in your family of origin, have undiagnosed mental health issues, have never dealt with the loss of a loved one or are struggling to cope with a divorce. A number of things can drive us to engage in behaviours we wouldn’t normally consider as we try to find coping mechanisms and escape reality.
In order to increase your chances of enjoying a successful recovery, it’s absolutely crucial to identify the underlying cause of your addiction. Not only will this help you to overcome the feelings you’re oppressing but you will know how to deal with these issues moving forward. Sex addiction counselling is an incredibly useful tool for recovery. Not only will it help you to uncover past traumas, it will also teach you how to implement relapse prevention strategies.
Not identifying your triggers
A lot of the things we do even if everyday life is triggered by something. If you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps or have had a bad day, for example, you may binge on junk food or reach for a large glass of wine to try and cheer yourself up and de-stress.
When you’re recovering from sex addiction it’s important to identify what triggers you to carry out the acts you shouldn’t. Perhaps it’s when you’re stressed out about money, have had an argument with your partner or are feeling insecure. If you’re struggling to identify your triggers, a counsellor will be able to help.
Falling back into bad habits
When recovering from an addiction of any kind, it’s so important to actively avoid falling back into bad habits. If certain friends lead a lifestyle where they frequently have one-night stands, for example, don’t socialize with them on nights out anymore. If online pornography is your vice, ask your Internet provider to block access to adult sites or even disconnect your broadband altogether.
If you carry on living your life exactly the way you were before you sought help for your addiction, it’s incredibly likely that you will continue to relapse time and time again.
Failing to identify the signs of relapse
You may be falling back into old behaviours without even realizing it. Keep an eye out for the signs of relapse. Knowing how to identify them quickly means you can put the techniques you’ve learned into place and stop a potential relapse in its tracks.
- Overconfidence – you may think you’re well and truly over your addiction and start seeing old friends, going to certain venues and engaging in prior behaviours. You may even have a desire to revert back to your old lifestyle to prove that you’re over your addiction. It’s important to remember that regardless of how far into your recovery you are, anyone is at risk of relapsing.
- Cutting off your support network – you may gradually start removing all the people and things that have played an important role in your recovery. If you stop going to counselling or speaking to friends and family, this could be a sign you’re heading for a relapse.
- Denial – you become defensive if other people express concern that you could be at risk of relapsing. You may also feel self-conscious, uncomfortable talking to others or feel frustrated with them.
- Reminiscing – if you’ve started to look back at your addiction days with fondness, this is a very worrying sign that relapse could be imminent. At this stage, it’s also likely that you’ll be leaving out the consequences of your addiction. Rather than focusing on the damage it did, you’ll be thinking about how good it felt to escape the pain and loneliness. As you only remember your addiction as pleasurable, this can gradually increase your desire to experience those ‘good times’ again.
Big wins
When thinking about the reasons behind sex addiction relapse, most people associate them with negative experiences such as the loss of a job, relationship or loved one. Believe it or not, however, joyous occasions can also send people into a downward spiral.
Positive events that can trigger sex addiction relapse include:
- A new relationship. Sex addiction is an intimacy disorder and if these issues aren’t addressed, a new relationship is likely to bring up old issues.
- A sex or porn addiction relapse may occur following a promotion, pay rise or a new job. The added pressure that comes with success may become overwhelming which can cause individuals to revert back to old acting out behaviours.
- Becoming a parent. Although the birth of a child is a very special time, it brings about a lot of changes and challenges, all while being sleep deprived. This is enough to make anyone feel stressed and overwhelmed and for those overcoming addiction, it could trigger a relapse.
Stress
Stress has been found to be a high-risk factor when it comes to the likelihood of relapsing while battling any addiction. This is because it leads to an increase in the brain’s levels of corticotropin-releasing factor (CRF) which triggers a cascade of biological responses. This may impair our ability to cope with difficult life events, thus making someone more likely to relapse.
You’ve started isolating yourself from others
The support you receive is crucial to recovery but many on the verge of relapse start to isolate themselves. This could be because you’re feeling stressed, anxious, depressed or guilty because you’ve been thinking about old behaviours.
Being reluctant to talk to loved ones, your counsellor or support group can lead to social isolation and loneliness. The more you become isolated, the easier it is to justify a relapse.
Not following the guidance from those helping you
There are a number of ways to overcome sexual addiction and you may choose to employ one or several of them. Whether you’re attending group therapy, individual therapy or have booked yourself into a rehab facility, it’s crucial to continue with ongoing treatment unless your doctor or therapist advises you otherwise.
If you feel like you’re doing really well it can be tempting to cut down on therapy sessions or make other changes in your recovery program. Please remember however that it’s these very things that are making you feel good and if you interfere with your treatment without discussing it with a therapist first, it could impede your recovery.
If you think that you or someone you know could benefit from sex addiction treatment, please feel free to contact Toronto Trauma and Addiction Counselling for more information about the signs, symptoms and treatments that are available.
