Sex addiction occurs when a person has persistent and escalating thoughts about sexual activities. This causes them to become obsessed and preoccupied with sex, to the point where it has a negative impact on their life.
As with any addition, someone fighting sex addiction will struggle to control their feelings and actions. Eventually, the pursuit of sex becomes more important than family, work and even personal health and safety.
As sexual preoccupation increases, victims follow a destructive cycle which typically includes acting out on their desires and then experiencing feelings of denial, shame, despair and confusion.
Naturally, this can lead to mental health problems. Research does in fact show a high correlation between sex addiction and psychiatric conditions – particularly mood, anxiety and personality disorders.
It’s suggested that as many as 40% of people struggling with a sexual addiction also have a history of mood disorders such as depression. Seeking treatment for depression is a very important part of recovering from addiction. The unpleasant feelings that mental health problems cause can exacerbate the symptoms, making it very difficult to escape the cycle of sex addiction.
If you’re feeling stressed out, down or worthless for example, you’re more likely to give into feelings of temptation.
If you experience any of the following symptoms of depression, please discuss this with the counsellor leading your addiction treatment program and they will be able to help.
- Persistently feeling sad, anxious or empty
- Feeling hopeless
- Experiencing a loss of interest in the hobbies and activities you used to love doing
- Feelings of guilt and/or worthlessness
- Fatigue
- Difficulty concentrating
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Being restless or irritable
- Having suicidal thoughts or attempting to take your own life
Sex addiction is complicated and often very misunderstood. Typically, however, sufferers will all experience the same stages of sexual addiction and with the right treatment, recovery is possible.
Stages of Sexual Addiction
Among most sufferers, there are typically four stages of the addiction cycle.
This will consist of:
- The preoccupation stage of addiction – you become preoccupied with fantasies about sexual prospects or situations. This may start to trigger episodes of you seeking out these fantasies. At this stage, it’s likely that all you can focus on it getting to where you need to go – there’s no other reality.
- Ritualization -you develop and repeat a preferred sexual activity or situation. This consists of performing special routines which are created in order to intensify the preoccupation. Rituals such as cruising, listening to music or choosing certain items of clothing can add to the excitement or help to create a sense of control. Rituals are usually an additional distraction from thoughts of feeling unloved or worthless.
- Compulsion – continual engagement in sexual activity despite the negative consequences and even a desire to stop. Behaviours can include but aren’t limited to compulsive masturbation, pornography, cybersex and having sex with strangers. When fighting sex addiction, behaviours often escalate and can lead to having affairs, exhibitionism, voyeurism and making indecent calls.
- Despair – guilt or shame over your inability to control your behaviour often occurs shortly after the sexual act has occurred. This stage of the sex addiction cycle becomes can become dangerous when the sense of failing begins to erode and further damage the person’s integrity and self-esteem. As guilt and hopelessness set in, this is usually escaped by going back to the preoccupation stage – thus repeating the addiction cycle.
Other behavioural problems such as drug or alcohol dependency and eating disorders can develop during this stage as well. Typically, it’s only when someone hits rock bottom that they’ll go to a treatment centre to receive help.
The Signs of Sex Addiction
Sexual addiction can present itself differently from person to person. Generally, however, the signs include:
- Compulsive sexual behaviour including excessive masturbation, affairs, engaging in anonymous sex, cybersex, exhibitionism, voyeurism and/or paying for sex.
- Loss of control around sexual activity.
- Lying about or hiding sexual activities.
- Participating in these activities regardless of what the consequences may be.
- Carrying out illegal activities in the pursuit of sex.
- Engaging in sex for the wrong reasons – for example, trying to deal with or escape other problems you’re facing in life.
- You can’t stop engaging in this behaviour even though you want to.
- You can’t concentrate on other areas of your life because you have become so preoccupied with thoughts about sex.
- You’re experiencing feelings of shame because of your behaviour.
- People who suffer from sex addiction may not have healthy boundaries. This can leave their partner feeling alienated, isolated, depressed, angry, humiliated and even in need of treatment themselves.
- You may stay in relationships that aren’t healthy or jump from one relationship to another because when alone, you feel empty or incomplete.
- You sexualize feelings like guilt, loneliness and fear.
- You experience withdrawal symptoms when you try to abstain from sexual activities. These symptoms can include irritability, cravings, depression, restlessness, anxiety, guilt or shame.
- You’re avoiding your responsibilities and/or the things you love doing in favor of sexual activity.
The Effects of Sex Addiction
An addiction to sex can have both emotional and physical consequences.
According to the Departmental Management of the USDA, approximately 38% of men and 45% of women with sex addiction have contracted a venereal disease as a result of their behavior.
Pregnancy is another common side effect with nearly 70% of women with sex addictions saying they’ve experienced at least one unwanted pregnancy as a result of their addiction.
According to some research, up to 64% of people suffering from sex addiction also have a substance abuse disorder. Alcohol abuse has been found to be the most common, present in 30-40% of patients, followed by marijuana abuse, present in 18-21.7%.
Different levels of sexual addiction can also lead to:
- The deterioration of personal and professional relationships as well as social and family engagement.
- Decreased concentration and productivity at work. You may also take time off work and your general attitude could suffer, resulting in an increased likelihood of losing your job.
- Sexual dysfunction.
- Social isolation.
- Profound psychological effects including feelings of shame, inadequacy and emotional distress.
- Psychological disorders such as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, OCD and problems related to impulse control and emotional dysregulation.
What causes sex addiction?
Sex addiction is often the result of childhood trauma. The victim may have suffered sexual abuse in their early years, been maltreated by primary caregivers, neglected by parents or a parent may have had an addiction themselves.
Genes can also be a factor in addiction which is why it often runs in families. You may have a genetic predisposition to emotional dysregulation, impulsivity or sensation-seeking behavior. Additionally, you may also be predisposed to other traits which are commonly associated with sexual addiction such as anxiety or depression.
Please note however that just because a parent has an addiction, it doesn’t mean it’s a given that their child will develop one too. While it does increase the likelihood, it’s not guaranteed.
Hormones can also contribute to the likelihood of someone developing a sex addiction. As you might expect, higher levels of sex hormones like testosterone or estrogen can affect libido. If you’re inclined towards impulsive behaviour and have high levels of sex-related hormones, you may be more likely to engage in excessive sexual activities.
Other factors which may contribute towards sex addiction include:
- Inconsistent parental nurturing or support.
- The absence of a traditional parenting role which is often where we’re taught healthy and adaptive behaviours.
- Early exposure to sexual material or experiences. This can lead to us growing up to think that these behaviours are perfectly normal.
- Mental health problems can cause us to engage in addictive behaviours as we try to numb or forget the difficult emotions we’re experiencing.
- Rejection in relationships and social circles can lead to other, less healthy ways to find sexual gratification.
- Social isolation can increase the likelihood of seeking inappropriate ways of being sexually gratified.
Treatment for Sex Addiction
There are many sex addiction steps but for any client, the first step towards sexual addiction recovery is recognizing that there’s a problem.
Often, sufferers stay in denial until the consequences of their actions are so severe that they lose their job, their partner leaves them or their addiction causes serious health issues.
The good news is that once someone has started seeing a sex addiction counsellor, they’re likely to experience a successful recovery. There are many different treatment options including individual counselling, group therapy, outpatient programs and treatment centres.
Counselling plays a very important part of recovery because it helps to identify the cause of the addiction, develops healthy sexual habits, recognizes triggers and how to avoid them and crucially, it treats the underlying issues so the destructive cycle can be broken. It also helps to rebuild any broken relationships.
Overcoming a sex addiction is often very challenging. If you think that you or someone you know could benefit from speaking to a sex addiction therapist, please feel free to contact our sex addiction counsellor in the strictest of confidence and we’ll be more than happy to help. We can help with anything from sex addiction and chemical dependency to behaviour therapy.
We can also offer individual or couples counselling to get your relationship back on track and help your partner to understand sex addiction and what the recovery process involves. We work with patients at all levels of sex addiction so please be rest assured that no matter where you are in your journey, we will be able to help you.
If you’re supporting someone with an addiction, you may find it useful to have a read of our blog, ‘Partners of those struggling with sex addiction.’ Here you will be able to find more information about how you might be reacting in this situation, common side effects on partners, how to aid your own recovery, why it’s important for you too to seek help and where you can go for help.
If you’re not sure if you or a loved one has an addiction, head to our page ‘Do I have an addiction?’. This should answer any questions you have. You can also complete the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST-R) which has been developed to assist in the assessment of sexually compulsive or addictive behaviours. The test is free and can be carried out anonymously.
