For many trauma victims, the concept that they have “parts” is entirely new to them. It never occurs to them that they might be fragmented, and it certainly never crosses their minds that there could be value in facing and empathizing with those “parts.” But the reality is that it can make such a huge difference in their lives.
Today I’d like to talk about what this means and give you an example to help you understand.
Anxiety – A Common Occurrence For Trauma Victims
Many people who have lived through traumatic events find themselves filled with anxiety. It may be present most of the time, or it may come and go depending on the triggers they come across day to day. But either way, that anxious self is really only one of their “parts.” Dealing with it appropriately means learning how to face it head-on and – believe it or not – empathize with it.
In the book, Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, Dr. Richard Schwartz describes how he has had to deal with anxiety in the past. He says, “Now I’ve learned a way of relating to my anxiety that makes such events challenges rather than dreaded ordeals.”
When faced with anxiety, most people will respond by attacking it or trying to pretend it isn’t happening. But both approaches usually only make the problem worse, not better. Instead, it can help to focus on it and ask it questions as a way to understand it. Questions like, “Why are you so scared?”
The answer could be anything. It could be a fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of being in the spotlight, etc. But once the answer comes, the next step is to empathize with it. In cases like these, self-talk is of utmost importance, and responses like these can make a huge difference:
- I’m here and ready to take care of everything.
- You don’t need to worry about a thing.
- No matter what happens, it will all be OK.
The Key – Getting to Know the “Parts”
Too many trauma victims have gotten stuck in a cycle of running away from their “parts,” so this concept of seeking to understand them is quite foreign. But the more you get to know them, the less dangerous they become. The less dangerous they become, the more easily they are controlled.
