Everything about our lives is made up of social networks. Think about the relationships you have (or wish you had) with your friends and family members. Those people offer you the social support you need and they provide you with a social structure for your life. These connections with people are very important to us all, and the same is true when you’re a trauma victim.
In his book, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk talks about the importance of social structures in our society as a whole. We yearn for a feeling of safety with others in the world around us, but unfortunately, that feeling is something that trauma victims rarely get to experience. In his words, “Trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens.”
Perhaps you can relate to that feeling because that’s how you feel, even when you’re around people you know fairly well. To compensate for those feelings, Dr. Van Der Kolk believes you probably do one of two things:
Find People with Common Experiences: You may share similar traumatic experiences with certain people, and because they understand where you’re coming from, you feel comfortable with them. You may even become more animated when you talk with them.
Isolate Yourself from the World: Isolation can be dangerous, but in a sense you’re even isolating yourself when you socialize only with people who understand trauma personally. While you might be more comfortable being alone because being with others makes you nervous or makes you feel out of place, you need healthy social support in order to thrive.
Whenever we’re in danger, or we perceive that we are, research has shown that human beings exhibit three common responses. Dr. Van Der Kolk refers to these as the three levels of safety.
Social Engagement – When you feel threatened, your first reaction is to call out for help from those around you. You seek some type of social support from those who care about you.
Fight of Flight – When help is not available, you have to make a decision to either fight off the attacker or situation, or you need to find a safe place to retreat in order to protect yourself.
Freeze or Collapse – When the fight or flight response fails, the third level of safety seems to be the only option. You either freeze or you collapse in an attempt to preserve yourself and your energy.
When you suffer from a trauma, you can spend years stuck in that last level of safety. Your body and your mind shut down and you completely disengage. This is normal for trauma victims, and sadly, many of them stay in this state for years without any hope of recovery.
That doesn’t have to be the case with you.
Perhaps you’ve been trying to work through a traumatic event that has happened in your past for a long time. Help is available for you. Please contact me today to make an appointment.
