Many people experience trauma when they’re children, and the effects of that trauma are often carried with them into adulthood. When children are abused or neglected by people who are supposed to love them, they have to distance themselves from it emotionally. This fragmentation is a survival mechanism. It helps them to preserve their self-esteem, keeps them attached to their families, and gives them hope for the future.
But unless they heal, that trauma – and the impact of it – will not go away on its own. This is something that a lot of people struggle with. They just want to be like everyone else, but their past is holding them back.
Let’s take a closer look at what happens to children who experience trauma during childhood. Doing so will help us understand how it begins as well as how to heal from it as adults.
“Bad Child” Vs. “Good Child”
Childhood trauma victims will often disconnect from the bad things that happened to them. They may doubt the experience even took place, or they may appear to forget about it altogether. In their minds, the trauma happened to the “bad child” whom they have disassociated themselves from.
As a result of that disassociation, they are free to think of themselves primarily as the “good child.” This is an excellent example of the brain’s ability to compartmentalize. The “good child” may get excellent grades in school, be helpful and courteous, or even a perfectionist. This new persona allows the child to feel safe in a world that is anything but; at least in their minds.
Controlling the “Bad Child” in Adulthood
For an adult who was traumatized as a child, their goal – whether it is conscious or unconscious – is to keep the “bad child” out of the way. Adults will continue to rely on their minds’ disassociation as a survival strategy. This results in denial, and it can lead to self-hatred and self-loathing.
While fragmentation is a way to protect the mind at a young age, it should never be considered a way to heal. The victim may have been successful at disassociating and surviving the trauma, but they often end up not knowing who they really are. These individuals frequently struggle with feeling as though they’re being fake, and that can become exhausting. It can also lead to resentment, shame and a host of additional mental health issues.
This crisis of the mind is exactly what leads trauma victims to abuse drugs and alcohol. Substances appear to offer a way out; even if that way is only there temporarily. Those who don’t turn to drugs or alcohol may find other outlets that may offer a way to cope, but again, they do not offer a long-term solution. They also don’t offer healing.
Recovering from trauma is extremely difficult and it can be scary for some. But the right treatment can make such a difference. I can provide you with the help and support you need during this critical time in your life. Please contact me to make an appointment.
