If your marriage has been threatened because you recently discovered your spouse’s sexual addiction, you have probably heard many terms that you do not completely understand. It is very likely that the term, attachment bonds, is one of them.
In this article, we will take a moment to discuss attachment bonds in greater detail as well as why they matter in marriage relationships.
What are Attachment Bonds?
Attachment bonds are types of emotional bonds that develop when we are in committed relationships, and yes. They are completely normal.
Attachment bonds form as a result of us creating a set of expectations as far as how we will be treated by our partner and our role in the relationship. These bonds grow stronger as we continue to have shared experiences that bring us closer together. The result is a sense of security, happiness, fulfillment, and safety.
The Four Qualities of Attachment Bonds
In the book, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, authors Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means credit psychological researchers, Brook Feeney and Nancy Collins for providing insight into the four qualities of attachment bonds. Their work demonstrates four traits, which are:
When one or more of these traits are threatened, so is our bond with our partner. Those threats can potentially cause us to become disconnected from our partner and the closer we are to that person, the scarier the thought of losing the relationship can be.
The Fear of Abandonment and the Trauma Response
Even the most independent person on Earth has an innate fear of abandonment. This fear is there from birth in its most basic form, and it only grows and develops as the person does. The fear of abandonment activates the body’s autonomic nervous system. This can and does cause:
Knowing this, it should come as no surprise to learn that these and other symptoms that result from the fear of abandonment are all trauma responses. Many trauma victims have been called codependent or co-addicts when their trauma was a direct result of their sexually-addicted spouses’ behaviors. Research has proven otherwise.
Trauma Therapy Can Help You Heal
Not all methods of trauma therapy are the same, and if you’ve worked with other therapists in the past with no success, I want to encourage you to contact me today for an appointment.
