Over the last few months, we’ve been talking about the Self and the “parts,” which are separate from the Self, and more like individual personalities. Hopefully this is a concept you have come to understand and accept because it is so important during the healing process for trauma victims.
Those “parts” can be anything – anxiety, anger, fear, self-hatred, worthlessness, etc. The list could go on for quite some time. They are very negative, and most trauma victims come to view them as enemies. But none of them are what they appear to be at all.
Lessons From Anger
Anger is a typical emotional response from many trauma victims. People may tell them that they have anger issues, or that they have explosive tempers. When they are angry, they feel out of control. But that extreme reaction is really not what it seems.
While it can be difficult to slow down and stop a strong emotion like anger, it helps to pause for just a moment and think and focus on it. What is that anger? Could it be a “part” of you that feels responsible for protecting you? Could anger be a tool that is used to defend all of your other, more vulnerable “parts”? Some trauma victims learn that their anger feels the need to stay simply because their Self is too nice and self-sacrificing.
If you’re someone who struggles with anger issues, take a moment and try to talk to that “part” of you. How did it develop? Does it have any other emotions fueling it, such as fear or sadness? Most importantly, can it help you release it so that you do not have to be stuck there forever?
Repurposing Your “Parts”
Regardless of what “parts” you deal with on a daily basis, they can all be repurposed. For example, anger can be transformed into appropriate assertiveness. Fear can be transformed into wise caution. Sadness can be transformed into empathy, sympathy and kindness.
But it all starts with focusing on the inside and not running away from those “parts” that seem so difficult to manage. Having intentional conversations with those thoughts and emotions can result in learning some valuable information. As Dr. Richard Schwartz says in his book, Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, “…you can help your inner antagonists become your allies.”
This approach is the beginning of reversing those dysfunctional internal relationships trauma victims have. The best part is that when those “parts” are accepted, they change! But that change is external as well as internal. For instance, if you have found yourself struggling in certain relationships, you may find that you are more accepting of those people because of the changes that have taken place inside of you. Instead of being annoyed by the person who is always snapping at people in your workplace, you may find yourself empathizing with them and trying to understand and even help them.
Begin Trauma Therapy Today
Trauma therapy can make a world of difference in your life. Perhaps you’ve tried it in the past, but it didn’t appear to be very effective. It might be time to try a new approach, like the Internal Family Systems Model.
I can help you. Please contact me today to make an appointment.
