Being married to someone with any form of addiction is incredibly difficult but the partners of sex addicts often find it the hardest to cope.
As well as being faced with the prospect of helping someone to overcome their problem, sexual addiction is emotionally challenging. Chances are that revelations of cheating, lying and betrayals will come out which will understandably lead to feelings of hurt and anger.
As the spouse of a sex addict, you will more than likely feel very alone and too embarrassed to talk to others about what you’re going through. If you find it too difficult to talk to friends or family, it’s very important that you seek professional help because your own mental health could suffer if you try to cope on your own.
Whether you found out about your partner’s addiction an hour ago, a few weeks back or even years ago, most people go through similar stages when trying to cope which we have highlighted below.
Admission
Some spouses are completely shocked when it comes out that their partner has a sexual addiction. If you had absolutely no idea it can make you doubt yourself, question whether you know your partner at all and even make it harder for you to trust others as well as your own judgement.
At the other end of the scale, you may have suspected something wasn’t right and questioned your partner about this on multiple occasions. Chances are that you will have been met with denial and excuses. This can make you feel like you’re going crazy because your instincts are telling you that something isn’t right but your partner has convinced you that there’s nothing wrong.
Self doubt can eat away at our confidence and self-esteem which can make us anxious or irritable. This could make you vulnerable to stress-related illnesses including depression, anxiety and unhealthy coping strategies such as drinking alcohol.
Validation
When we receive confirmation that our partner is a sex addict, for many this is a time of conflicting emotions. We’re overwhelmed with grief, confusion and betrayal yet in most cases the validation almost comes as a relief.
You’re comforted by the thought that you weren’t going crazy after all but you now also need to deal with the aftermath of the admission and this is often when suffering intensifies dramatically.
Blaming yourself
Sex addiction often drives people to do incredibly hurtful things. Although it is the addict who is completely responsible for their behaviours and consequences, partners often end up blaming and questioning themselves.
For example, you might start to think that you’re not attractive enough, not thin enough, not sexual enough, not fun enough and that your partner can’t possibly love or respect you for doing those things.
Sexual betrayal is incredibly difficult for anyone to deal with, even in relationships where there is no addiction present. If your partner has repeatedly cheated on you and engaged in more risky behaviours such as prostitution however, this can be soul-destroying and make it very difficult for you to trust again.
Learning to deal with the addiction
Being the partner of someone with a sex addiction is incredibly difficult. This is true whether you choose to stay in the relationship.
It might seem impossible right now but with the right sex addiction treatment, there is every possibility that you and your partner can get through this. In fact, research has shown that couples have the greatest chance of recovering from sex addiction when both partners are engaged in a program of recovery.
If you would like more information about sexual addiction counseling and the treatment options available, please feel free to contact us and we will be more than happy to help.
