Many trauma victims can only imagine what it must be like to operate from the Self. They often spend years experiencing their Parts (without realizing it, of course), and the Self remains mostly silent.
Working with the right Internal Family Systems therapist for trauma therapy can make a big difference and allow you to change your perspective of the Parts. It will also help you learn how to not only experience the Self, but how to operate from it too.
Asking the Parts to Step Back
In order for you to operate from the Self, the Parts need to take a step back. When you are ready, your therapist will help you with this step during therapy. Also, sometimes when a Part is asked to step back, another Part will emerge in its place.
For example, you or your therapist may ask your angry Part to step back, and suddenly, you begin experiencing a fear Part, or an ashamed Part. These must also be asked to take a step back until you only feel a sense of calmness, curiosity, compassion, or confidence.
In his book, Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, Dr. Richard C. Schwartz explains this nicely. He says, “Your parts carry all the irrational and unhealthy beliefs and emotions you have absorbed throughout your life from your family, from traumatic experiences, and from your culture. IFS calls those beliefs and emotions your burdens. As your parts separate from the “you” that is left, you will begin experiencing and exhibiting those valuable leadership qualities (curiosity, compassion, and so on) and other ones because that is who you really are.”
When the Parts and the Self Feel Safe
As the Parts feel safe to separate from the Self and allow it to emerge, it also begins to feel safe. At this point, you will experience several things:
• You will begin having conversations with the Parts, and as you seek to understand and empathize with them, you will be surprised how well those conversations go.
• You will know how to listen to what the Parts have to say.
• You will have the desire to help them and you will also know how to help them.
A word of caution – There will probably come a time when the Parts begin to get louder again, and that is completely normal. Do not feel as though you have lost control, or that IFS is no longer working for you. Trauma victims often have to ask the Parts to step back several times. As time goes on, you will learn how to instinctively tell when the Self is no longer at the forefront so you can address the Parts appropriately.
When the Parts Resist Stepping Back
You may experience some resistance from Parts that are not ready to step back. Those Parts may not trust you enough, but again, that is not something to worry about. Your therapist will guide you in learning how to talk to the Parts and gain an understanding of their unwillingness to cooperate.
Most of the time, this occurs because the Parts feel responsible for you or they are afraid of being forgotten. Your therapist will help you work through these times.
Working with an Internal Family Systems therapist can make a world of difference for someone who longs to heal from their trauma. If you are ready to get help and begin the healing process, please contact me today for an appointment.
