In past posts, we have talked at great length about the Self and its place in the lives of trauma victims. It can be a hard concept to grasp, but once you understand it, it can change so much about how you see yourself and the world around you.
Self-leadership is the goal, and moving toward it is a critical part of the healing process for people in trauma therapy. But what is it, exactly? And how does a person become more self-led so that they can not only differentiate the Self from their Parts, but learn to understand them?
In his book, Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, Dr. Richard C. Schwartz makes mention of the 8 Cs. In the next two posts, we will explore what they are and how they can contribute to self-leadership.
Calmness
Self-leadership brings with it a physical and mental sense of calmness. Trauma can cause people to feel physically tense almost all the time. This state can cause them to become agitated and hypervigilant. As a result, these individuals may overreact when faced with difficult situations or people. They are never really able to fully relax. The same thing happens in the mind.
For those who embody the Self, they experience a lot less physical and mental chaos. Triggers may come without much of a reaction. The tendency they have to get easily overwhelmed goes away. Instead, the normal ups and downs of everyday life are viewed as an interesting adventure that is sometimes good, sometimes not so good.
Clarity
Dr. Schwartz defines clarity as, “…the ability to perceive situations without distortion from extreme beliefs and emotions.” Someone who sees through the eyes of the self sees things as they are, and not as they believe they should be. They do not jump to conclusions or have any preconceived notions.
All possibilities exist because there are no projections of preconceptions. The Parts have a tendency to think they know everything. But when a person is self-led, the Parts are silenced, giving the Self a fresh experience within the world.
Curiosity
With clarity and a “beginner’s mind” comes curiosity. Self-leadership means reaching a state in which people are in wonder about the world. There is no prejudging that takes place; only innocent and genuine interest in everything around them.
Curiosity is at the heart of the Internal Family Systems approach to trauma therapy. It works externally as well as internally. People can learn how to better relate – and ultimately manage – their Parts through simple, childlike curiosity. Many schools of thought refer to a state of open curiosity toward our innermost thoughts and emotions as mindfulness. Seeking to understand without judgment is a great way to get on the path to Self-leadership.
Compassion
When a person’s view of others is not distorted by the Parts that fear or need them, it is possible for curiosity to give way to compassion. The Self gets a clear understanding the hurt those individuals are protecting within themselves.
Compassion is very different from pity, or even empathy. Feeling pity toward someone allows people to feel sorry for that person, but they are also happy that they are not in their position, experiencing that same pain. Empathy allows people to see someone suffering and makes it possible to identify with their pain. But too much empathy can be dangerous because identifying with that pain too much can cause distress, or even make a person distance themselves from the hurting individual.
Compassion leads people to help others to release their own Selves without feeling the need to change them. It produces a desire to help people in a different way without needing to sacrifice themselves in the process.
Please check back for Part two in this series, where we’ll talk about the other 4 Cs.
Healing from trauma is possible, and therapy can help. Would you like to make an appointment? Please contact me.
