In our last post, we introduced the idea of Self-Leadership and how the 8 Cs play a critical role in getting to that place. We discussed:
We would like to continue along that same train of thought and talk about the last 4 Cs, which are just as vital for developing Self-Leadership.
Confidence
Self-led people have the ability to remain calm and maintain clarity, even in the face of extreme anger. Outside attacks have the ability to provoke our inner critics, which can trigger those feelings of worthlessness that many trauma victims have had since they were small children. This is why trauma victims try to avoid anything that confirms their worst fears about themselves.
But during the healing process, those vulnerable Parts heal and Self-confidence emerges. A change takes place in which the person begins to understand that even in difficult times, they can handle anything that happens, even if it is negative. In our society, the mantra is to let things go and move on. But that way of thinking only causes the accumulation of more burdens and pain. Confidence is constantly knowing that everything will work out and be OK in the end.
Courage
Self-led people are not vulnerable to attacks, and even if they do come, they can handle the consequences of them. Courage utilizes many of the other Cs – clarity, curiosity and compassion, to name a few. It propels them toward their own pain and shame, but in a way that is free of judgment and fear.
The internal family systems model of trauma therapy involves entering the scariest places in one’s mind. It means facing the difficulties and pain of the past head-on for the purpose of gaining a clearer view of themselves and the world around them. Courage is needed to take this journey as well as to act on what is discovered there.
Creativity
In 1994, writer Anne Lamott wrote, “You get your intuition back when you make space for it, when you stop the chattering of the rational mind. The rational mind doesn’t nourish you. You assume that it gives you the truth, because the rational mind is the golden calf that this culture worships, but this is not true. Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.”
As the Self begins to break through, people find that they have access to a type of creative wisdom that they never had before. They may find new solutions to problems that have been plaguing them for a long time. Creativity may be expressed in many ways, such as realizing that one’s purpose is to make a meaningful contribution. For the first time, the Self is capable of making that happen.
Connectedness
Self-leadership allows the growth of a sense of feeling connected to other Selves. The Self desires to strengthen those connections, so people tend to find themselves drawn to others who radiate the Self. It makes sense that other relationships with those who do not would fall by the wayside.
There is such a joy in meeting someone who knows who you really are. So often, we wear masks in an attempt to falsify who we are. But for Self-led people, making meaningful, deep connections is a lot more possible. This need for connectedness spills over into nature and the universe as well.
It can seem as though Self-leadership is only a dream that can never be manifested in real life. But the right trauma therapy can make it possible. Would you like to make an appointment? Please contact me today.
