Although there’s still a way to go, the world has become a lot more understanding about drug and alcohol addictions and mental health conditions. One that still remains a taboo, however, is sex addiction.
Because of the nature of the addiction, unfortunately, people struggle to take it seriously and many even argue that no such thing exists. Sex addiction is very real and whether it’s a partner, parent, child, friend or colleague, the person going through it is going to need all the help and support they can get. However, before dealing with supporting your partner, ensure that you are paying attention to and caring for yourself.
Being in a relationship with someone with an addiction is incredibly difficult no matter what the addiction is. The partners of sex addiction sufferers often find it the hardest to cope.
As well as being faced with the challenge of helping someone to overcome their problem, sexual addiction is emotionally challenging. Some spouses are completely shocked when the revelation comes out which can make you question whether you know your partner at all and make it harder for you to trust others and your own judgment. On the other hand, maybe you suspected something wasn’t right and questioned your partner about this on multiple occasions. You no doubt will have been met with denial and excuses. This can make you feel like you’re going crazy because your instincts are telling you that something isn’t right but your partner has convinced you there’s nothing wrong.
Often, partners overlook their own wounds because they are busy focusing on how they can help the person with the addiction heal, either for that person’s sake or for the sake of the family. This is a “fatal” mistake. Do not ignore or minimize the impact that a partner’s sex addiction has on you and ensure that you get the individual help that you need and deserve! To read more about the impact of sex addiction on partner’s click here.
Research has shown that couples have a greater chance of recovering from sex addiction when both partners are engaged in a program of recovery. A therapist can help you to learn how support the person, know what to expect from the process and heal from the pain that has been caused.
Understand that sex addiction is real
Addiction is defined as the compulsive use of a habit-forming substance. Although sex addiction does not involve taking a substance, the individual is placing their need for sex above their health, family, safety and employment, despite knowing the possible consequences of doing so. The obsession and preoccupation with sex can make life just as unmanageable as drugs or alcohol might. In addition, brain research has shown us that the brain activity (or lack of activity) is very similar in those addicted to substances and those addicted to sex. So even though the method of creating these brain changes are different (ingesting a substance versus engaging in certain thoughts and behaviors), on a neurological level, they are one and the same.
It will help if you understand sex addiction, what causes it and what you can expect from your loved one’s treatment. Take the time to learn everything you can about the condition – the more you understand, the better you will be able to empathize and offer support.
Know that sex addiction is complex
Sex addiction treatment is long and complex. If you’re an alcoholic for example, you stop drinking. Because sex is a normal and healthy part of a loving relationship however, abstinence is not the goal.
The use of alcohol or narcotics is not a basic human instinct which is why beating a sex addiction does not necessarily mean being celibate. Treatment and recovery involves identifying which sexual behaviors contribute to the addiction, which are healthy, which are not and what is perfectly acceptable to continue engaging in.
Offer your support
People with sex addiction often struggle to come forward because of the feelings of shame they have about the activities they’ve participated in or because of how much they’re hurt their partner.
It’s important to understand however that this issue cannot be dealt with alone. Treatment is crucial to recovery and without sex addiction counselling, it’s unlikely that the person will ever beat their addiction.
Don’t enable the addiction
By sitting back and tolerating your loved one’s behavior, you are simply enabling it. No matter how much you love them and fear losing them, avoid accepting or ignoring unhealthy actions. Unfortunately, you may even have to leave your partner before they will get help. This doesn’t necessarily mean divorce, just a temporary measure until they get help.
Encourage the person to get help
Sex addiction is typically always the result of trauma. It may be childhood abuse, divorce, losing a job or the death of a loved one. Without knowing the cause, the person cannot begin recovery.
A counsellor will also help the person to realize and avoid their triggers as well as rebuild damaged relationships. If left untreated, sufferers may start experiencing feelings of intense guilt which can develop into low self-esteem and eventually, depression. They can also develop family and relationship problems as the addiction takes hold and behaviors become more hurtful or damaging.
If you think that you or someone you know needs help for sex addiction or you would like more information about sex addiction signs, please feel free to contact Toronto Trauma and Addiction Counselling.
