We have discussed some of what you can expect when you begin working with an internal family systems therapist. For example, you will be instructed to focus internally, reminded that you are the one in control, and why “Parts” language is used. But there is more you should be aware of as well, which I will discuss in part two of this blog series.
Communication with Protectors
Once you have gotten used to the different Parts, you will learn that some of the Parts are protective in nature, and some are vulnerable. As you know, your IFS therapist wants you to focus internally, which means communicating with these Parts.
Once you begin that communication, it can take a while for the more vulnerable Parts to trust you. Your therapist will help you work with the protector Parts first. Their job is to keep the vulnerable Parts safe, so earning their trust is key.
Working Through Fear
Once you can talk with the protector Parts, you’ll learn more about them; namely, what their fears are. Protectors are at a heightened level of awareness because of fear, and they can be afraid of any number of things, including:
• What your therapist will think of them.
• What you will think of them.
• How exhausting it is dealing with the vulnerable Parts.
• The fact that they believe nothing will ever change.
Your IFS therapist will help you work through these fears and talk with the Protector Parts about how you can move forward with the more vulnerable Parts.
Internal Dialogue Externally
Have you ever felt an emotion like sadness, asked yourself why you were feeling that way, and then gotten an answer later? That is very similar to what your dialogue with your Parts will be like. It can be uncomfortable talking to the Parts in the beginning just because it is not something you are used to doing.
But as time goes on, you will become more comfortable with it; especially once you begin to see it working for you. You may even begin to visualize what certain Parts look like. Sometimes Parts “appear” as an indistinct voice, or even just a presence.
Talking with your Parts is something your IFS therapist will guide you through. You will experience some victories, but there will also be some challenges. Remember, this is a healing process, and once you demonstrate your willingness to listen to the Parts, don’t be surprised when they all want you on their side.
In the book, Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, author Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D. explains it this way, “…imagine that you are the leader of a group of people who have many conflicts with each other, and your therapist is trying to help you calm them down. Each time you start to talk to one person, another one thinks you’re going to side with the first one or give him or her more power. So the second person tries to influence you to dislike and stay away from the first one. With all this vying for your favor, you won’t get very far. If instead, you can talk to each person individually without interference from the others, you can form a trusting alliance with each side, which will facilitate future negotiations.”
Your therapist will guide you through this communication.
Internal Family Systems Therapy Near You
Are you interested in learning more about how the Internal Family Systems model of therapy can help you heal from trauma? I can help. Please contact me to make an appointment.
