Many trauma victims are completely unaware of the Parts storm that is brewing inside of them. They only know what they feel and experience in any given moment. It should come as no surprise that they are also not aware of the Self.
The key to healing trauma is found in not only identifying the Parts as separate from the Self, but it is also found in Self-acceptance. Continuing to respond to the Parts as they are will only hinder a person’s ability to accept the Self, which is why research has shown that the healing process requires a different approach altogether.
Making Friends with the Parts
Making the friends with the Parts is not only therapeutic; it is also necessary in the process of Self-acceptance. Trauma victims spend their lives either giving in to the Parts’ responses (such as starting arguments when something happens that triggers a certain Part), or running away from them (such as leaving perfectly good, healthy relationships behind due to fear of abuse).
Becoming friends with one’s Parts requires people to approach them differently. Instead of dismissing them or reacting to them, trauma victims can learn how to become interested in them and even curious about what makes them tick.
When that type of shift occurs, the arousal the Parts typically feel relaxes. There is no need to change anything, only the need to understand them. For a lot of trauma victims, that is the first time in a long time they have experienced actual peace.
Avoiding Alienating the Parts
Sometimes as trauma victims go through the healing process, they become tempted to ignore some Parts and only identify with others. But in doing so, they are really not doing anything to contribute to their own sense of well-being.
This type of response only causes the Parts to turn against one another, and the internal family system can become hostile and even more tense with every passing day.
Self-Acceptance
Befriending the Parts as they are, and seeing them as separate from the Self, but still a vital part of the overall internal family unit is critical. In the book, Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder, Marsha M. Linehan refers to this as “radically accepting” the Parts as roommates that are a part of who we are.
So often, trauma victims want to silence the Parts completely. But that approach has proven to be ineffective at best, and quite often, it becomes much more damaging both in the short and long-term.
Welcoming, understanding, and empathizing with the Parts allows trauma victims to collaborate with them and find a sense of harmony. It creates an internal world where everyone feels heard and accepted.
Healing From Trauma
Healing from trauma is a process that can take some time. Trauma victims all have their own “tried and true” coping mechanisms, and developing the courage to address their Parts requires patience on the part of any therapist that works with them.
I can help you begin that healing process. Please contact me to make an appointment.
